Don Sticks His ‘Nose’ into TRF’s Business

A “perk” of being a veteran Fort Wayne newsgatherer is I am cursed as being able to converse with mascots.

Johnny TinCap? Won’t shut up after two appletinis. The Mad Ant? Always bragging about lifting 20 times his weight. Icy D. Eagle: Always talks about picking up chicks. 

But Don and I go way back, though not as far as the 10,000 years he’s been around. Don’t ever let the little m---- word (rhymes with house) slip out or make jokes about how Jerry baffles Tom. 

You also need to watch out for that snout. Godzilla has his tail, and Don has that whip-like schnoz, which can reach across the room for a swipe. It’s also usually wet and, surprisingly, a little sticky. You want to stay on the punky pachyderm’s good side, and believe me, there are many sides to the big fella. 

PFW: Don, we’re here today to talk about what it was like to be part of the recent Three Rivers Festival parade. How are you feeling? 

Don: Parched. It was a beautiful day, but also a little warmer than I’m used to. I’m still recovering at the local watering hole. 

PFW: Oh, boy, you remember what happened the last time you were there. You almost got in trouble for trunk and disorderly. 

Don: Ha ha, you think you’re so funny, but you just keep your nose out of my business. You’re not the only one who can dish out puns. 

PFW: Fair enough. What was your favorite part of the parade? 

Don: Seeing the kids! There were thousands of them yelling my name and waving like I was a “Stranger Things” star! 

PFW: Did you use “The Elephant Walk” as your theme music? 

Don: You realize that you and I are the only ones old enough around here to remember that music, right? 

PFW: Moving on. You might have been cooler if you’d shaved your back before the parade. Don’t you have a summer haircut? 

Don: Of all people, you are making hair jokes? You really want to go there, Shiny? 

PFW: Good point. Don’t get your tail in a knot or your tusks in a tizzy. Anyway, tell us about the parade, please. 

Don: I just felt a good sense of PFW pride toward the community to get out there and show our school spirit and support for the Three Rivers Festival. The kids are obviously excited because every time they see a mascot, they always have high energy. 

PFW: So, you declined to walk but rode in the back of a Jeep. You also had members of the basketball teams handing out souvenirs like T-shirts, foam fingers, Frisbees, and megaphones. Did you save anything for me? 

Don: I’m sorry, but who are you again? 

PFW: Sulks. 

Don: My favorite part of the day was playing the stereo. We had it cranked to get everyone fired up with stadium rock anthems. That was right in my wheelhouse! 

PFW: Let me guess, you also played your trunket … I heard you almost rolled the Jeep because everyone knows about your super “low center of gravity” and once you start shaking, there’s no way to stop your … um … momentum. 

Don: Are you saying there’s too much junk in my trunk? (Had to use a cultural reference old enough for you to remember.) I was just glad to get out there and see the community again. It felt like things were getting back to normal a bit. Things are looking great heading into the school year! 

Don is also looking for helpers throughout the year. Besides performing at approximately 40 PFW home games, he makes about 10 appearances at local events like fundraisers, community festivals, and even classroom visits. Any students interested in helping can contact Michael Brown, associate athletic director for operations, at 260-481-0735.